Siddhartha and the Superior

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become."

- Siddhartha Gautama

I bet you know Siddhartha Gautama, aka Buddha. Yes, he is the guy we most often refer to as the statue who brings good luck and others refer to him as a sage who introduced simple wisdom for complicated lives. Whatever the case may be, we cannot deny that Buddha is an influential person.

Way way back in the seminary, one of my superiors fondly tease me as 'the little Buddha' (imagine the Buddha statue you see in shops. Yes, the big fat guy with the pesky little kids crawling over him). I'm nowhere the size of the Chinese Buddha, but since I'm the 'healthy' one (using the word 'fat' makes me conscious and a little irritated) among my peers I was labeled as one. So there you go, I was the 'little Buddha' of the seminary. And the name of the superior who gave me the moniker: Fr. Joseph Fernandez SDB. Fr. Joe, as we fondly call him, is the oldest among our superiors. He and his two brothers, Fr. Alton and Fr. Sonny (†) are Salesians.

I first met Fr. Joe when I had my three day orientation. At first sight he looked like the stereotype old priest: slow, grumpy and would make you doze off during homily. I was very much surprised when I got to know him better when I entered the seminary. Despite being fluent in Latin and being a product of the 'old school' (I think he was ordained a couple of years before the changes of Vatican II were put in effect), he's a pretty cool guy who, much to my surprise, would do 'odd' things if only the two of you are around. One incident I would never forget was when he saw me washing my clothes and at the same time cleaning the common toilet during chores time. I was scrubbing the floor when he saw the basin full with shirts. It was during first year then, and I was a 'black sheep' during those times. I was expecting to hear a 'homily' from him. Unexpectedly he just laughed, folded his pants and started to scrub the floor with me.

Fr. Joe riding his "Joemobile"

So, what's with Siddhartha Gautama? And what's with Fr. Joe? Common thing about the two: they're both wise and inspiring.

It was very uncomfortable during my first months in the seminary. I always felt out of place. I was entirely lost because of the rigid schedule. To make things worse, I needed to wash my own clothes (which I never did when I was outside). And so I was there, a spectator who was suddenly thrown to the boxing ring. I told my self "Itchan, you won't make it through the year...no, you won't make it through six months!"

I never told anyone what was happening, but Fr. Joe sensed that I was troubled and from there the rest is history. His advice and fatherly presence always made me feel at home.

Pau, one of my companions who also left the seminary, lent me a book entitled "Fr. Joe: The Man Who Saved My Soul." The book was with me for a month, but I never finished even chapter one. I could only think one reason why I failed to read the book, and that's because Fr. Joe already taught me how to do things the right way. He would always call me 'little Buddha'. Problem is, I'm not an enlightened one. One of Fr. Joe's favorite quotes is the motto of the Dominican Order which is "Contemplata Aliis Tradere" (to give to others the fruit of contemplation). And in Latin (which Fr. Joe taught us for three years), contemplate means to survey or observe.

Now that I'm in the outside world, I think it's time for me to survey and observe the things around me, to see where I am being led, to know where I should go in order to serve and be better.

Maybe that is the challenge. To be enlightened and to give light to others.

Archangel Michael and the Rugby Boys

2 days ago I was riding a jeepney on my way to work. I was so sleepy that my head kept falling sideways. My drowsiness quickly went away when two boys, around 8 to 10 years of age, hitchhiked with us. They were sniffing rugby the moment they boarded the jeep until we reached the terminal. "Ano ba 'yan, bata pa lang adik na. Tsk tsk" I told my self. 

I walked going to the bus stop and took a ride.

It's not my habit to watch movies while riding the bus, but since my iPod was dead I had no choice. The movie onboard was "Legion" starring Paul Bettany as Archangel Michael. I'm sure you've seen the movie, but if you haven't then let me give a brief background. God lost his faith in humanity, sent his angels to destroy humanity and ultimately the Archangel Michael in order the kill the 'savior' who will be born (but ended up disobeying God). It's not your usual apocalyptic movie, but it sure is a good one. 

Anyway, I was thinking about the two rugby boys while watching the movie. Yes, they are 'addicts' but it's not entirely their fault. First thing that popped into my mind why this happened to them: the parents. Yes, the parents. I wonder how these people sleep at night. They have children but doesn't seem to mind what's happening to them. I've met and personally know a lot of parents who are 'as poor as a church mouse' but managed to bring up their kids. They might not have enrolled them in exclusive schools or provided them with the latest gadgets like tablets and fancy phones, but they raised their kids to be God-fearing, decent, appreciative about the little things...altruistic even (my cousin is one. Rest in peace, ate). 

The 'archangels' who were supposed to watch over these kids failed. I hope they realize that their kids need their love and support, bond with them at home and not to tell their dad who is playing cards at the wake of a neighbor or their mom who plays bingo at the perya to go home since no one will take care of Junior. 

I went home right after my shift and sifted through my photo albums. Looking back, I was so lucky to be raised by two wonderful 'archangels' whom I fondly call mom and dad (not only them, but also my titos and titas, lolos and lolas). I wonder if I would encounter those two rugby boys again. If ever, I hope I can talk to them and give them a little something for Christmas.

RapidResolve...really?!

ACSR. Einstein. GrandSlam. LOQ.

If you're familiar with the terms I mentioned above then you are one of us, the millions of "call boys" and "call girls" who brave the streets at night and go to work while everyone else sleeps. And to be more precise, you're working for a company with the initials "CC" and you're handling troubleshooting or sales either for cable, internet or phone service. 

Since I handle internet and cable troubleshooting, I have already memorized the basic troubleshooting steps whenever a customer calls in and reports that there is something wrong with their service. Normally, troubleshooting takes 5-8 minutes if you already know what to do. But in some cases, troubleshooting is bypassed if a certain icon appears on the screen.

RapidResolve. If this icon pops up on the customer's account you can simply bypass troubleshooting and immediately schedule a technician appointment. Saves you a lot of time and most likely, this will lower down your AHT (average handling time). But take note, this happens very seldom and not all customers who call have the RapidResolve icon on their account.

When RapidResolve was introduced, it dawned on me that life should have one like it. How I wish life also has its own RapidResolve. No need for long (and sometimes hurtful) 'troubleshooting' steps to fix life's failures. But then again, that would not make your life meaningful. Let me quote JK Rowling's speech in Harvard during its commencement exercise last 2008. It's about the 'benefits of failure':

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default. You will never truly know yourself or the strength of your relationships until both have been tested by adversity."

Where is the answer to so many questions?

I was humming 'Love is the answer' right after communion, then I saw this kid. I realized that asking questions won't guarantee me anything. Faith will.



I was simply blown away. Wala akong masabi nung nakita ko to. 

I wonder what He wants to tell me.

The Advent/Funeral wreath

I went to Mass right after my shift. Good thing I saw the Advent wreath the moment I entered the church or else I would've completely forgotten that it's already the season of Advent. 

I kept staring at the Advent wreath not because it stood out or it looked comely, but because it looked like a funeral wreath. Yes, you read it right. A funeral wreath.

My attention was drawn to the Advent wreath. I couldn't focus. I knew that it had to mean something. The celebration ended and I was still staring at it. I was thinking that an Advent wreath should symbolize the beginning of something (if you think I have forgotten my Latin, think again. Advent comes from adventus, meaning coming). But instead of reminding me the start of something new, it reminded me about the finality of things. Then it hit me: since there is a start, there is also an end. The funeral slash Advent wreath reminded me that all things come to an end, but we know for a fact that death is not the final word. Maybe that's why the Advent wreath is green and circular. There is always hope. I remember the young woman who lost her mother during Yolanda's rage, but in the midst of death, the young woman gave birth. She might've lost someone, but there was the new born child. Let me quote what my friend, Bro. Donnie, mentioned during the November 17 episode of Langit sa Lupa: "May dahilan pa rin para magdiwang dahil may buhay sa gitna ng kawalan."

I realized that Advent not only reminds us of the beginning but also the end of things, but in the proper context. Since we all know that there is an end to everything, we need to be prepared. Who knows, you might suddenly die of a heart attack after reading this post. Doctors can diagnose what your sickness is, but they cannot tell until when you will live. We don't have expiration dates stamped on our foreheads. Just prepare.We don't know until when we'll be here.

I looked at the Advent wreath again before leaving the church. Much to my surprise, the wreath looked lovely. It looked different. I guess when you see things beyond their looks, you'll have a much better perspective about it.

Tingin tingin din 'pag may time.

Walking along Paseo de Reilly

I went to Ateneo last week to meet a friend. Everything was usual; the traffic along Makati, the undisciplined bus drivers along EDSA, the ray of the sun in the middle of the day punishing my back...you know, the usual stuff.

Just like Lisa Simpson's advice to her dad, take a nice long walk if you can't anymore take the swirling thoughts in your brain. I decided to walk around the campus while waiting for my friend (and for the benefit concert). I didn't actually care where I was going, the important thing for me was to walk around and straighten my deranged thoughts. Then I saw this narrow road called Paseo de Reilly. I'm not so sure if this Reilly is a true-to-life person but according to my friend, Reilly was a Jesuit who was mugged in that place. Tsk tsk, poor guy. A Jesuit who was mugged in his own baluarte. Anyway, I passed by Paseo de Reilly several times while walking around. One time I even slipped and almost hit my head (2 things: good thing no one was there to see this very embarrassing moment, or too bad no one was there if ever I hit my head and I needed help).

Come concert time. I was so sleepy and I was sorely tempted to go home after hearing two or three songs (I went to Ateneo right after my shift. Lesson learned: sleep, sleep and sleep if you came from work). But since I was already there, I decided to stay even if it means sleeping throughout the concert. I was already falling from my seat inside the Church of the Gesu when suddenly, 'Love is the answer' was sung. I didn't expect it since most of the songs I heard were composed by Jesuits such as Fr. Manoling Francisco and Fr. Arnel Aquino, and hearing a Raymond Hannisian song (who I bet not most of you know) in the midst of a 'religious' concert seems a little out of place. But what I did not expect the most was that 'Love is the answer' made me cry. Yes, cry (you know, when your eyes start to swell and water comes out of it). I've heard and sang that song like a million times and this is the only instance it made me cry. It brought back a lot of memories.

Until now, I'm still listening to 'Love is the answer.' I'm also studying the music sheet so I can play it on my piano. Most importantly, that song made me realize that love is the answer to all of my questions, and love is the only thing that will help me stop my endless wandering. Looking back, my endless wandering are my struggles I wrote about on my previous entries. I don't know how will my struggles end, but I know it will come to an end. I don't know how, but I know it will be shown to me one step at a time. 

I'll be in Ateneo again next week. And yes, I will pass by Paseo de Reilly once again. That long, narrow and slippery road where I almost bumped my head. Don't worry, I'll wear a helmet next time I walk along that road. That way my head is safe and sound.

Night shift

It's been 4 months since I entered the BPO industry. I didn't expect that I would make it through the grueling training that slashed 1/3 of our team. After the intensive 1 month training, our team was immediately hurled to  the production floor. Never did I imagine that taking calls was very stressful. My hopes about establishing my self at this industry dwindled after my first month in the production. I simply grew tired of irate customers who spew cuss words at me because of a problem I did not create. I simply grew tired of saying 'sorry' for a piece of equipment I did not destroy. I simply grew tired of becoming a slave to people who feel superior because I am not from their country. I simply became tired of everything. I can still vividly remember my first customer telling me that he will have me fired because I failed to fix his internet connection. Ah, customers! All of them are potential friends, but be warned: if you fail to please them at the onset of the call, expect that they will take revenge on you by giving a 0 rating after your conversation. 

Anyway, our team right now is composed of 14 members (9 from the original wave and 5 imports from a tenured team). The most recent team member who left was B. She used to tell me that she sucks in doing this kind of job. She even pointed out to me that she feels like a prisoner whenever she takes calls. But what's more dramatic was her statement a few days before she left: "Night shift tayo. Sakto. Ganyan kadilim ang nararanasan ko 'pag sumasagot ako ng calls." Wow, B really has a penchant for drama. Even the time of our shift has a meaning for her. Then it dawned on me: kung may dilim, malamang may liwanag (Hegelian dialectic?) It's in the darkness that we would appreciate light, even just a spark. Normal pala ang magkaron ng 0 VOC at supcall. Normal din pala ang masigawan at mamura ng isang tangahing customer. In the end, may matututunan din pala sa mga kabiguan.

I'm in Canlubang right now. In a few minutes I'll be having dinner with my 2 buddies Lyanne and Justin. Being away from the noise of the Metro relaxes me. It's already dark, but it feels like morning when the grass is wet with dew and the butter melts on top of the hot pandesal. Hmmm, I always look forward to seeing the light. Maybe it's something embedded in all of us: no matter how dark life may be, we are always inclined to search for the light.