Presence

"Di ako naniniwala sa Diyos eh."

My high school friend used to tell me this ever since we were grade six. I don't know why he always told me that, but I'm sure that he wants to challenge me since I'm the religious type among our close knit group of five.

After a few years, I couldn't believe that the same words would come out of my very own lips.

"I don't believe in God."

Every time I would go home from work I would pass by this lady and her son. If God were true, surely He will not allow suffering and death. I would often ask my self and some religious "Why does our good God allow terrible things to happen? Does God really hear us when we cry out to Him in our pain?"

I asked that question a million times. I did not get a single answer.

I realized that even religious cannot offer complete answers. Most of the time, if not all the time, we find ourselves groping for the answer. No words would suffice why a 'good God' would allow suffering and death. As one Jesuit puts it "the true consolations are not ours to give."

A few months back while attending Sunday Mass, I saw this kid wearing a shirt that 'somehow' answered my question. Here is what the shirt says: only God knows the mystery of life.

'Only God knows the mystery of life'

Only God knows the mystery of life. Since He is the one who made it, He is also the one who only knows how it runs. It's like trying to decipher what a poem really means: no matter how good you are, only the author can give the true and real meaning of his piece. Same with us. We are merely 'readers' of a piece created by the Divine, and only He can fully interpret it.

Going back, it 'somehow' answered my question. But deep inside, I still want a concrete answer. But the car ran out of gas. I got tired. I stopped and simply looked back on the things that transpired last year. Then it hit me. It's not about God telling you the logical explanation of the mystery of suffering. Instead, it's about Him being with you during the ordeal. His incarnation is a reminder that no matter how dark the night is, a spark can get the fire going. He is Emmanuel, the God who is with us.

I guess that is the meaning of today's feast of the Lord's epiphany. He doesn't give us answers, but He gifts us with His presence.

I have been bitter about my life for the past months. But I guess, after discerning over the things that happened, God makes his epiphany everyday. No matter how good or bad the situation is, He is there. And because of that, we need to be "God's epiphany" to others. Look at the Old Testament. God spoke to people through people (the prophets, I mean). Ultimately, He became one of us.

Paramdam ka naman. Baka may nangangailangan ng presensya mo.