Something about silence

"Silence is so freaking loud."

- Sarah Dessen, Just Listen

Way back in the seminary there are a lot of times and places wherein silence is given emphasis. Here's a list of times and places where silence is strictly observed at all times:

• Dormitory
• Study Hall (including its extensions)
• 2nd and 3rd floor hallways
• 2nd floor common toilet
• Prayer Room
• Staircase
• Shrine and its vicinity
• Rising
• Lauds, meditation and Mass
• Study Period
• Vespers, Rosary, Examen of Consciousness
• Night Prayers until the next morning (where magnum silentium is observed)

Silence is essential in our everyday lives. Even the rock jock and the party animal also have their quiet time. No matter how much the noise tends to drown us during our daily grind, we are inclined to draw back, take things slowly and be quiet. Looking forward to a "me" time is something we all have. It is in silence that we learn to look back, reflect and come to a resolution of what we need to be thankful for and of what we need to improve in ourselves.

When I was still a seminarian I was sorely tempted to leave and enter the monastic life. The silence of the seminary was not enough for me; I wanted more of it. Here's a short conversation that happened between me and some friends a few years back when I told them that I was discerning to be a monastic:

"Sayang naman ang verbal prowess mo!" 

Bro. Donnie was right. My verbal prowess would be gone to waste if I would become a monastic. True enough, my verbal prowess now serves as my number one asset as a call center agent. It's a feat talking non-stop for seven hours a day, five times a week. But since my 'verbal prowess' also has its limitations, I also need to be quiet at certain times during work. Sometimes I would skip lunch and go to the sleeping quarters just to lie down or sit at the lazy boy and be quiet. Even people immersed in a world of noise need silence. As I have mentioned, being drawn to silence is something innate in all of us.

During my first months outside I was desperately looking for silence. My surroundings never gave me the chance to be quiet. The noise of the pesky kids playing tumbang preso and the insensitive neighbor who loves blasting out Gangnam Style on the stereo drove me insane. I needed to go somewhere quiet. And so began my journey of looking for a retreat center where I can stay for a few days to escape the noise. Unfortunately, all the retreat centers I called were already fully booked. The nearest that I could find is in Batulao, so it's an automatic no-no. Not knowing where to go, I went to the Church of the Gesu. Surprise surprise! Not only did I find the silence I was looking for, I also realized that I don't need to be quiet all the time. Too much noise drove me insane, but too much silence can also make me go downward spiral. I needed to balance noise and silence. It's with noise that we can hear the different sounds of the world; its joys and pains. It is in silence that we come to process what the world's noises mean to us and what it wants to tell us. Most importantly, we should not only look for external silence, but for internal silence. The silence around us is useless if deep inside we are in constant battle with our everyday worries. "Silence is the only language God speaks" (Archbishop Soc Villegas) 

I'm now prepping myself to sleep. I just finished my ritual of drinking milk tea before going to bed.

Quiet time again. Nice.